Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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