I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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