Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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