I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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