just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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