just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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