i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize