Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize