Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize