i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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