Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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