what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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