If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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