pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize