You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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