She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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