you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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