I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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