Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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