..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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