Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize