new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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