If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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