I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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