So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize