there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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