he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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