hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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