Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize