I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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