my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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