k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You are the jesus of drinking
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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