I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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