I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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