my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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