I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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