The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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