Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize