I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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