Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize