And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
try to milk me bitch
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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