I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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