It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize