Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize