New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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