you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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