so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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