they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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