I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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