Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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